T. G. I. F.

Well Friday rolls around and the storm clouds are no longer as dark as before. The word over the line is there is slight improvement with movement. I will take it. My Dad has seem found the inner strength to gut it out and has made an effort to get better. I was just not so sure to tell you the truth. When all his sentences were three or four words follow by grunts...well...that paints a picture in itself. I guess I deal with the total realism of life and to often forget their is wide gray area of unknown. My brother said the other night about faith...Believing without Seeing....boy that has stuck to me.It sure needs to.
After helping out a friend on Saturday ( self note....just be willing to be willing...) I will be off to Parent Land on Sunday. To me Parent Land is a place where fact and truth at times hold no true meaning. If meaning is found it is often changed to suit whatever the need the parent wants. That seems to make little sense after reading it back but in Parent Land it doesn't have to. Parent Land can have everything you can hope for and in the same breath everything you have nightmares about. Oh by the way..Parent Land is open 24/7..seven days a week.
I really rode out on a limb with that and fell off. Getting back to dad..facing the fact of losing him..either soon or sooner has brought out a whole host of new issues. My oldest brother that has been controlling Parent Land for the last couple of months finally called. Now it was not much of a conversation really...he yelled I listen and then he hung up. He seems to have a slight anger problem..ok..he has a BIG anger problem but that is none of my business. It is just a real bitch trying to have a meaningful conversation with someone that is in a constant state of being pissed off. When he is not,there are verbal landmines all around. You never know what going to trigger a big boom. He affords himself all the rights that came with it and none of the owning up for the aftermath. I see it clearly cause in a lesser degree (gulp) I suffer from the same thing. When anger engages - brain disengages...not a good combo platter. I can tell by my writing (started with dad -ended with brother)this troubles me still. I want to have a relationship with him but this does not seem to be the case. He rebuilt my entire first house and I swear I would have fired him if I hadn't been so scared of him. He would yell and cuss-I would ask what I did--he would say he was talking to himself. hmmmm..no kind of negative feeling towards your yourself? No matter what..in spite of all he is ..I love him as only a brother can. My family has lost two already and there are no more coming.
So as my Friday evening starts to wrap I reflect on the past week. I try to remember everyday is not a dress rehearsal...one get only one shot at the moment--then its history. I pray for forgiveness on somethings and celebrate the joy of others. No matter what-that week is gone.
I will strive to be the best Uncle Grumpy I can be...everyday 24/7...7 days a week...
Peace Be With You